Do what you love

On Monday of last week, I thought I had a new career path.  I had negotiated a great schedule for working in the Neonatal ICU that didn't involve me being away from my family 4 or more days/week.  I was feeling slightly smug about my successful wheeling and dealing.  It seemed as if I could have my cake and eat it, too. Sure, it was a little more time away from the family and quite a bit less money, but this way I could show the girls what's important: do something you love and do it well, despite the sacrifices.

Then, Monday afternoon, I received a phone call from the hospital.  The powers that be started backpeddling on our negotiations.  They reoffered me the position with less pay and more required hours just a few days before I was to start! Agh!  I was incredibly disappointed and admittedly sulked a bit after hanging up the phone.  I wanted to take the job.  I wanted to say yes, and finally feel alive about my job.  I wanted to have a career instead of what I consider just a job to get us through til the girls are in grade school.  I wanted to contribute something positive to all those tiny little new souls and their tender hearted parents at such a vulnerable moment in their lives.  I wanted it pretty badly.

But per the negotiations, I couldn't agree to the added hours and meager pay as compared to my current contract jobs.  I wanted it, but not for the sacrifice on my family.  And maybe I won't be doing something I love with all my heart when I'm working out of the home, but I'll have more time to do what I love in my home.  

Perhaps that's just an important lesson and example for my girls: don't be disuaded by all the things that seem to matter, but don't quite measure up when you put them up against your family.  I suppose by turning the hospital job down, in a bigger way I am leading that example I intially intended: do what you love and do it well, despite the sacrifice.  What I love most is my family, and I need to love them well, no matter the career sacrifice.

Now that I'm here, I realize it's actually a better trade this way.  Now there will be more time for squishy cheeks pressed high from laughter, blonde curly cues, and a tall drink of a Ph.D candidate taking a much needed break from data analysis:

And that's the way I like it.